I know – it’s so justified! You’ve had a bad deal. The going is tough. You feel so helpless and alone. You don’t have any support … and the list goes on. There are many reasons why feeling sorry for yourself seems to be perfectly reasonable – and it’s so easy to give in to it.
BUT – IT DOESN’T SERVE YOU!
All the time you spend feeling sorry for yourself is time wasted. Unless, of course, you enjoy feeling really crummy and miserable. In which case, keep on enjoying it until you’ve had enough. No one is going to stop you.
Before you bite off my head and tell me I don’t understand, read on a bit more. You are probably right that I don’t understand your particular situation and what makes you feel you deserve to feel sorry for yourself.
BUT I do know about self pity. I have spent countless hours, days – even months on and off – feeling hard done by, sorry for myself, sad, alone, in pain and unsupported.
I have sunk onto my bed and howled at the unfairness of life. I have vowed that I can’t go on any more, that I’ve had enough, that its all too hard. And dragged myself day by day in automatic living without the joy that I craved, just feeling poor me. I did it during and after my divorce, I did it after my mother died and I was left looking after two dependent adult males. I still do it now as I struggle with the challenges of caring for a 90 year old father and a physically disabled brother.
AND I know that the times spent wrapped up inside my self pity blanket have made me feel worse. It hasn’t helped me to do what has to be done. For me, those times have been wasted moments.
The thing is, self pity doesn’t change anything. It just makes you feel worse and even more helpless.
Self pity doesn’t pay the bills.
Self pity doesn’t help you make any positive changes – whatever the situation.
Until, of course, you get so fed up that you decide to stop the self pity and do something positive.
So what can you do to break the cycle, to start dragging yourself out of your sorry muddy puddle?
There are many things that work for me and maybe one of these might just help you too.
- Get up and go for a walk. Walk fast, walk slow, look around you and enjoy the experience.
- Do something physical around the house – vigorously clean the floor, clear out some cupboards, make bread.
- Go online and Google for uplifting things. Look for YouTube videos of talks given by motivational speakers such as Anthony Robins or Wayne Dyer. Spend half an hour stumbling in categories such as self help or spiritual.
- Find stories of people who have overcome MUCH worse problems that you – be inspired.
- Write out all your gripes, sadnesses, problems – just keep writing till you dry up = then do a ceremonial burning of the writing.
- Find someone to talk to and have a good moan – but keep it to a prearranged time limit. You could do this on your own too.
- Find a therapy such as EFT that helps to release emotional blocks and baggage. Then use it – every day, even when you think you don’t need it.
And know that this post is written just as much for me as for you. Because I do forget. I do indulge in bouts of whinging and self pity. But the trick is to stop feeling sorry for yourself as soon as possible so that you can get on with the business of living your life and making the changes you want.